RSSThis inspired me.
Feb 20
I’m not sure what exactly about this inspired me, but I love the idea of people working together to create something great. A blog, an art display, a charity, whatever. I find it all amazing.
Welcome to the Daily Me.
Feb 19
So, here I am, finally giving in to the online blog-o-sphere. I don’t know why I feel today would be a good day to start a blog, but I figure, what the hell. I think it’d be interesting to write a little something everyday, and come back later on and see what has changed and evolved.
My day today was one of those uneventful, but still creating more anxiety than necessary, kind of days. I’m excited to start working at Apple, but was a tad disappointed yesterday to find out that I wouldn’t be able to start training until March 15, rather than February 27. I’m more than grateful to have the job, and will start whenever asked, but I think the fear is that if I’m pushed back to start later, I fall into that category of employees who aren’t taken seriously. I had so many friends in college tell me about how they’re employed somewhere, and end up only working 5-10 hours a week. I don’t want to be that; I want to be that guy that wants to be there all the time, the guy who is going to work super hard to become a full-time employee, and get promoted to the job I am really after. I’ve climbed the ladder before, and I’ll do it again, but I certainly won’t accept taking a step backwards. I’m trying to gauge why it is that things have changed. I guess I’m just eager and excited (and wanting to get past that initial nervousness as quickly as possible), and hope that that ambition will be well-recognized, not punished, in this setting.
That anxiety keep me overwhelmed today. I was going to go to the Starbucks in Camarillo that I usually go to, but decided to go on an adventure. I ended up somewhere near Las Posas Rd. (near where Megan lived…that reminds me of the day I took her to go see Orlando Bloom on the Tonight Show, and we got up at like 5am, went to Starbucks, and camped out outside of NBC for half the morning), and went to some 76 gas station that was self/full service. I honestly had no idea there were still Full Service gas stations out there. Weird.
Past that, I went to Starbucks near Kohls and hung out on my laptop there, then met Becki at the Natural Cafe (I like that place, except it’s EXPENSIVE). Why is the unhealthy stuff so cheap, but the healthy so expensive? No wonder America is so fat, we can’t afford to eat healthy food. After that I went to visit Cheeseburger and help him out with his Mac. Wow is his home nice! I guess it’s been a few years since I’ve been there (probably not since high school, actually), but amazing to see something so different. Cheeseburger is the second person I went to high school with that I feel very intimidated by, in terms of career. I’m happy for him and all his success, very much, but he, and my other friend Dan, have really gotten themselves into professional jobs and started careers. It makes me wonder what I did differently? I went to college and get my four-year degree; I worked in college, I interned with some great people (famous TV directors, did editing for an Emmy-winning editor, worked with Landon’s company which is very very well connected), and did my interning at Sony, too. Why does that not get me anywhere? Cheese gave me $50 for helping him with his computer, which I certainly did not ask for, and while I’m incredibly grateful in a time when I desperately need money, I just feel like I’m so incapable. I thought, after I graduated college, employers would be clamoring to have me! Am I doing something wrong? I hope everything worked out with Cheeseburger’s computers, I would feel horrible if I screwed something up by trying to do too much at once.
I guess I will go to Santa Monica tomorrow and hang out with Shane/Susan/Karina. I hate spending money on gas, and don’t know why I keep doing it. I got a little bothered the other day when my friend Shane developed an irritation about the fact that I went to LA to visit my friend Dan, but I don’t go to LA to visit Shane. I don’t understand why it’s not clear that I can’t spend money frivolously. I visited Dan, I came home. I love hanging out with Shane, but it’s always an influence to spend more money at a restaurant, store, etc. I hate other people paying for me, and so I end up spending more than I want to. I also don’t know why I’m always the person driving out of my way. It’s like the help I provide means nothing…I hate when people keep asking for things. I don’t get that; I hardly ask people for things that I know I’m capable of doing myself. My friend moved and was upset that I wouldn’t drive six hours south to help him move…even though he was entirely capable of moving. I don’t know why that’s taken as an insult. I don’t work for anyone, I don’t want to be anyone’s employee, and I don’t understand why people want me in that position. But it’s funny how things have two sides; to me, I thought it was ABSURD to drive six hours south to help someone move, then drive two hours north to my home (this after having driven five hours north the day prior). If it were me, I’d say “Oh, you’re out of town, I can handle moving, we just could have used the extra hand and space. But, don’t drive hours and hours to do it, you won’t even be here until late. Just stop by whenever you can so you can see the place.” On the other hand, though, my friend would see the situation as me being selfish and rude, even though I’m just doing what’s the most logical thing. And I have to say, no offense to my friend, as he and his family have probably done more for me than just about anyone ever, but I just don’t see anyone driving six hours out of their way to help me do something that I’m entirely capable of doing myself (or capable of having local folks help me out with). If you don’t want to do one thing, does that mean everything else you’ve ever done has been discredited?
I’m watching TMZ and, seriously, the lifestyle these people live is so ridiculous. I get the fact that celebrity photos and videos are valuable to people (I read some of them), but the things these people say are so obviously made up on so many occasions. Like, Tiger Wood’s wife couldn’t possibly just be wearing Nike just because…no…she MUST be wearing it because she’s standing by her husband. That’s a little absurd.
Is it weird that I still think about the girl that lives two houses away? This is strange…I don’t know her, I’ve seen her outside from time to time (though months ago), and just remember her being kind of cute. But for some reason, when I can’t sleep at night, I think about this cute girl being 100ft. away, being all cute and cozy in bed, and it makes me feel comfortable. I gotta stop being creepy and talk to her one day, or stop thinking about someone who is probably 18.
This is a good start. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. I hope for the good!
The journal day is today.